Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
