New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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