if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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