Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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