This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
