you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
