Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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