Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
