I skipped work to stalk him.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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