I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
