im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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