Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
