Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got inside last night via doggy door
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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