I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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