Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
