I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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