I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize