you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
