This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
