Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
