if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
