Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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