She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
