Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize