at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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