That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
