Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
