is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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