that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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