never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
