i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize