I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
