Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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