you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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