I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
