Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
