Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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