man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
