Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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