standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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