No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
