i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
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Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize