Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
