what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
