i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
