Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
