I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
