Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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