the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
