I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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