it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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