I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
