The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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