I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
