We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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