she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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