If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
