Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
