Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
