How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
