When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
