Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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