11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize