mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
