Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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