I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
