is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
