And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize