Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
