i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
