i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
