We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
