Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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