I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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