Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
