are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize