I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
