She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
