the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sext me about skeletons
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
