we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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