So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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