i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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