they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
