i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize