You just made me feel so damn special
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize