just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
