Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
