I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
