as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
FUCK WHALES
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
