READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
