I just pynch a tree in the face
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
