I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
