Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
