escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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