i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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