You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
