Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
