I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
