I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
