i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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