That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
